Lost nurturance; the pursuit of equality
Today, many people despise motherhood and all the other chief feminine characteristics. The idea that men and women shouldn’t be different — shouldn’t have different interests, strengths, and ways of relating to Creation — is insane, and it’s an empirical fact that trying to deny these differences makes all of us less happy.
In a culture where gender equality is increasingly being defined as gender uniformity, there are certain conclusions that we simply 'must not come to', questions that 'must not be asked'. There is tremendous pressure to affirm and re-affirm that mothers should return to work promptly and with the same level of commitment as their male counterparts in order to “keep up,” and that mothers can be replaced for 8+ hours a day, without detrimental effects to their babies or their themselves.
Questioning this feminist dogma is a modern taboo — even in the clinical world. Babies do not enter the world pre-programmed with a politically correct worldview. They are not particularly concerned with wage gaps or glass ceilings. A baby is, however, born with an instinctual need for his or her mother — the person whose body was the only home they knew up until birth. This need is both physical (think breastfeeding) and emotional. If we are to give ourselves the information to make decisions that are in the best interest of our children (and ultimately ourselves as well), we would be wise to think of fatherhood and motherhood as equally important, but not interchangeable.
The difference between maternal and paternal care is not an outdated stereotype or even an expression of individual personality per se, but a part of our biological make-up. When women birth, breastfeed, and interact with their babies, their bodies produce the hormone oxytocin, fostering trust and bonding between mother and baby (this is why pumping, while nutritionally superior to formula-feeding, still does not provide all the same benefits as mother-to-baby breastfeeding). Fathers produce oxytocin when they spend time with their offspring as well, but they produce less oxytocin and more vasopressin, a hormone which creates the kind of aggressively protective emotions we feel when our child is in danger.
Their bond with their children is equally important, just different.
Many mothers say that they “become a different person” after having a child: this is our bodies’ hormones equipping us to meet our child’s physical and emotional needs. Oxytocin causes new mothers to instinctively provide the kind of touching, eye contact, and responsiveness that babies need for healthy emotional development. Fathers are hardwired to play with their kids (especially rough & tumble play which is more typical of fathers and is important for kids brain development), ecourage risk-taking, and to protect and provide for their families (hence why men in general are physically stronger than women.) Mothers are hardwired to carry a baby in 24/7 close proximity in their womb, and after birth to nurture and breastfeed on cue where baby gets a continuation of the familiar environment of mother whilst simultaneously benefiting from the health/brain/emotional benefits of breastfeeding & nurturance.
Our culture needs to recognise and appreciate the unique differences between men & women, mothers & fathers, instead of trying to turn men into women and women into men. In a society that disproportionately elevates women's wellbeing high above every other human being, motherhood has become all about the mother's needs/wants and not the children's needs.
This can only be a decidedly unpopular argument in a culture that celebrates putting the almighty Self ahead of everything else.
